The Night the Star Shined

Trigger warning: chronic illness isolation mentioned

My 37th birthday.

 I sat on my back porch crying. Not a little whimper, but a tear-soaked, deep belly cry that left me gasping for breath. Anyone who’s dealt with chronic illness knows the loneliness that can accompany it. For me, it tends to hit harder around the holidays, and my birthday is right in the middle of Christmas and Thanksgiving. Most of the time I’m fine. I have my hobbies, my dogs, my covered porches and porch swings, and mountain views to satiate me, but once in a while, the need for human connection is overwhelming.

               I don't regret where I am at this point in my life because let’s be real, if I wasn’t forced to slow down, I never would have, and I certainly wouldn’t have written any books. But unfortunately, the loneliness aspect of auto immune conditions comes with the territory.

               That night on my birthday, I felt particularly vulnerable and overwhelmed. I looked in the sky from my porch where I attempted to hide from the rest of my family, and I sent a prayer into the void. I don’t know who or what I was trying to reach, but I said, “I don’t want to be alone anymore. Is anyone even listening to me?”

               A star flashed brightly in the sky, and I cried harder because someone or something was listening. I opened my Star Walk app and faced it to the sky. The star that flashed was Arcturus, which means guardian.

  Coincidence? I think not.

I did a little more research and found out that Arcturus is 37 light years away. In order for me to see that star shine in the sky at that moment, it had to flash 37 years prior. So, the day I came into this world, the star shined, and I saw it when I needed comfort 37 years later.

It was surreal. A supernatural birthday present to let me know that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and despite what I was going through. And no matter how hard life was, or how I felt, I wasn’t truly alone.

I know I’m on the right path, and the days I need a bit of a reminder, I think back to the day the guardian star shined for me and answered my prayer.